Sovereign over Stupid?

I think when I get to heaven, I should bring God one of these "I'm with stupid" t-shirts, cuz, sometimes...you know.

I get that He's sovereign over the stuff life throws at me - the big picture things like pregnancy, death, illness, jobs. I get that He's sovereignly working all things for good in lots of the smaller things as well - relationships, bills, stuff like that. I even can trust that He is bigger than my sin, and uses these stumbles and failures along the way to work love, trust, humility and thanksgiving in my heart, not to mention a deeper understanding of grace along the way.

What I have a difficult time resting in is that He is sovereign over my stupid as well. Seriously. I do stupid things. To some who have known me for a long time, this may not be an earth-shattering revelation. I flake out. Especially on details. Like dates. Or hours. Or commas in numbers. That last one is fun in marriage. Flaking out combined with being a chronoptimist can be hazardous to a schedule, and has put more than one relationship to the test.

It's one thing when the stupid only effects me, but when my stupid visits consequences on others, especially my kids, a serious self-beatdown starts ramping up in my head. "Failure/loser/worst mom ever." It's a mantra that is hard to shake. So I turn to a different one. A mantra that speaks truth and life into my despair and self-hatred.

"The Lord is my shepherd."

If God is my shepherd, that makes me a sheep. I take comfort in this. Sheep are not known for their intelligence, strength or bravery. They need a shepherd that will protect & guide them. One who anticipates their needs as He leads them. One who will rescue them from predators as well as their own stupid choices.

I have a good shepherd.

I am thankful that God does not allow me to construct a pretend world in which I am deluded into thinking that I am not in need of His rescue. His provision. His mercy. His grace. I would rather see in a mirror clearly and know that I need my Savior than live a lie of self-sufficiency. So if stupid keeps me from prideful delusions of adequacy, I guess it's a good thing.